1
00:00:03,102 --> 00:00:06,304
[♪]

2
00:01:15,774 --> 00:01:17,942
Announcer:
<i>Last week on</i>
married with children,

3
00:01:17,943 --> 00:01:19,210
<i>The bundys went on vacation,</i>

4
00:01:19,211 --> 00:01:21,712
<i>And got stranded</i>
<i>in lucifer, new mexico.</i>

5
00:01:21,713 --> 00:01:22,914
[all spit]

6
00:01:24,049 --> 00:01:25,784
<i>They met an old prospector</i>

7
00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:27,719
<i>Who offered to trade them</i>
<i>his gold mine</i>

8
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,921
<i>For the family's old dodge.</i>

9
00:01:29,922 --> 00:01:32,057
Dodge is
a damn fine car.

10
00:01:32,058 --> 00:01:35,026
Ran over my wife
with a dodge.

11
00:01:35,027 --> 00:01:36,895
<i>Then the prospector</i>
<i>warned them</i>

12
00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:39,631
<i>Gold can turn families</i>
<i>against each other.</i>

13
00:01:39,632 --> 00:01:41,032
So it'd be just like
my life now,

14
00:01:41,033 --> 00:01:42,533
Except I'd have gold
in both fists,

15
00:01:42,534 --> 00:01:44,102
And I'd be saying
"yippee, yippee."

16
00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:46,437
<i>With al's car, and</i>
<i>marcie's and jefferson's money,</i>

17
00:01:46,438 --> 00:01:49,007
<i>They bought the mine and</i>
<i>set out to strike it rich.</i>

18
00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:51,008
<i>Well, the plot's simple enough.</i>

19
00:01:51,009 --> 00:01:53,711
<i>And now,</i> married
with children <i>continues.</i>

20
00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:05,190
See, son...

21
00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:07,058
I saved us
some money already.

22
00:02:07,059 --> 00:02:09,194
We didn't need
no pack mules.

23
00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:10,228
[all laughing]

24
00:02:12,064 --> 00:02:13,130
[grunts]

25
00:02:18,537 --> 00:02:21,006
Could somebody
help us out?

26
00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:22,140
Well, sure, honey.

27
00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:24,442
Come on, you can
make it!
Come on.

28
00:02:24,443 --> 00:02:25,410
Go!

29
00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:26,945
Jefferson:
Come on! You can do it!

30
00:02:26,946 --> 00:02:28,947
Al:
Hurry it up now!
Just a couple more steps!

31
00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:30,915
Jefferson:
Thattaway!
There you go!

32
00:02:30,916 --> 00:02:32,951
Hey, all right.
That wasn't so tough.

33
00:02:32,952 --> 00:02:35,119
Now, let's unpack
all these picks and shovels,

34
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,521
And the rest of this
western crap...

35
00:02:37,522 --> 00:02:39,090
And start digging!

36
00:02:39,091 --> 00:02:40,258
Daddy, it is so hot,

37
00:02:40,259 --> 00:02:42,060
You could lay an egg
on the sidewalk.

38
00:02:46,632 --> 00:02:49,200
Look, al...We just
got done lugging

39
00:02:49,201 --> 00:02:52,203
All the mining supplies,
plus your necessities.

40
00:02:52,204 --> 00:02:55,506
You know, two 12-packs
of aurora white...

41
00:02:56,709 --> 00:02:58,242
A newspaper,

42
00:02:58,243 --> 00:03:00,845
And the preparation h
with sunscreen.

43
00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:04,583
We want a rest.

44
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:05,650
Rest?

45
00:03:05,651 --> 00:03:07,018
There's still
three hours of--

46
00:03:07,019 --> 00:03:09,087
Of 100,000-degree
daylight left.

47
00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:11,323
Now, come on, let's go to work.
Let's go to work.

48
00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:12,824
[claps]
let's go, marcie.

49
00:03:12,825 --> 00:03:14,225
There's gold
in them thar hills.

50
00:03:14,226 --> 00:03:15,827
Let's get off
our duffs.

51
00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:17,395
Thank you,
honey.

52
00:03:17,396 --> 00:03:20,332
Now, would you bend over
and give me a target?

53
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:23,168
You know, al,
I've been thinking.

54
00:03:23,169 --> 00:03:25,170
I believe we should
all just take a little rest.

55
00:03:25,171 --> 00:03:27,205
[laughing]
oh. You tenderfeet.

56
00:03:28,807 --> 00:03:30,575
Do you realize
where we're standing?

57
00:03:30,576 --> 00:03:32,077
Well, I don't know
about us,

58
00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:34,812
But you're standing
in coyote doodie.

59
00:03:36,715 --> 00:03:38,483
Aside from that.

60
00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:39,985
Now, look here.

61
00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:42,487
We're in the wild,
wild west.

62
00:03:42,488 --> 00:03:44,555
And I wanna see a little
pioneer spirit.

63
00:03:44,556 --> 00:03:46,624
I wanna see me
a little gumption.

64
00:03:46,625 --> 00:03:48,893
I wanna see me
a little-- ladybug.

65
00:03:48,894 --> 00:03:50,161
Get it off me.
Get it off me!

66
00:03:50,162 --> 00:03:51,863
[all screaming]

67
00:03:59,271 --> 00:04:00,304
[sighs]

68
00:04:00,305 --> 00:04:02,640
Now, look here.

69
00:04:02,641 --> 00:04:04,108
I'm sick of
your female whining.

70
00:04:04,109 --> 00:04:05,710
Yeah!
Yeah!

71
00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:09,046
Now, we have a chance
to get rich here.

72
00:04:09,047 --> 00:04:10,281
He who dares, wins.

73
00:04:10,282 --> 00:04:12,083
He who seeks, finds.

74
00:04:12,084 --> 00:04:14,285
He who digs...

75
00:04:14,286 --> 00:04:15,987
Golds.

76
00:04:15,988 --> 00:04:17,522
Now, peg...

77
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:18,957
We've seen it
with our own eyes.

78
00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:20,725
There's nuggets
in this here mine

79
00:04:20,726 --> 00:04:22,594
As big as your mother's behind.

80
00:04:25,230 --> 00:04:27,031
And-- and just like
your mother's behind,

81
00:04:27,032 --> 00:04:28,500
It's there for the taking...

82
00:04:29,902 --> 00:04:32,904
By anyone with the courage
to reach out and grab it.

83
00:04:35,741 --> 00:04:38,242
Now, I feels like
getting rich.

84
00:04:38,243 --> 00:04:41,078
How many of you mangy
varmints are with me?

85
00:04:41,079 --> 00:04:43,348
I'm with you!
[all shouting]

86
00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:44,215
Let's go!
Come on.

87
00:04:44,216 --> 00:04:45,282
Okay. Okay!

88
00:04:45,283 --> 00:04:47,218
Pull that
cup down.

89
00:04:47,219 --> 00:04:49,020
Al:
All right, good.

90
00:04:49,021 --> 00:04:50,255
Now, if anybody needs me,

91
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:53,491
I, uh...Got a little work
to do myself.

92
00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:05,704
Would you
look at him?

93
00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:07,271
And we followed
him.

94
00:05:07,272 --> 00:05:09,007
What were
we thinking?

95
00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:11,476
He's never found
anything, you know.

96
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:14,312
Not even change
in the street.

97
00:05:14,313 --> 00:05:17,415
He can barely find his ear
with his finger.

98
00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:20,784
Yeah.

99
00:05:20,785 --> 00:05:23,621
Or chew gum
at the same time.

100
00:05:23,622 --> 00:05:25,023
[laughs]

101
00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:30,294
Should she be
out in the sun?

102
00:05:32,064 --> 00:05:35,066
Hey, peg, look!
It's a flip-top lid!

103
00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:36,934
[laughs]
it was in there.

104
00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:42,540
Good, baby.

105
00:05:42,541 --> 00:05:45,109
Uh, I am dying
of thirst.

106
00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:48,379
[sighs]

107
00:05:48,380 --> 00:05:49,747
Ah.

108
00:05:49,748 --> 00:05:51,015
Anyone else want
some water?

109
00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:53,251
It's not water.
It's sweat.

110
00:05:58,157 --> 00:05:59,490
Eureka.

111
00:06:00,726 --> 00:06:02,727
O, mighty one
in the heavens,

112
00:06:02,728 --> 00:06:05,063
Who created the mountains,
the seas and beer...

113
00:06:07,566 --> 00:06:09,234
40 years of
plague and darkness,

114
00:06:09,235 --> 00:06:10,969
And now finally a light.

115
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:12,937
A golden light.

116
00:06:12,938 --> 00:06:14,873
It's gold.

117
00:06:16,675 --> 00:06:18,376
What'd you find,
al?

118
00:06:18,377 --> 00:06:19,911
Nothing.

119
00:06:23,682 --> 00:06:25,717
You know, this may be
just a hunchback,

120
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:28,519
But I think
daddy found something.

121
00:06:29,588 --> 00:06:30,722
Oh, my--

122
00:06:32,557 --> 00:06:34,058
It's gold,
all right!
Oh, my--

123
00:06:34,059 --> 00:06:36,027
The bozo found gold!

124
00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:36,895
All:
We're rich!

125
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:40,131
[all shouting indistinctly]

126
00:06:40,966 --> 00:06:42,967
Get out of
there!

127
00:06:42,968 --> 00:06:44,035
Hey. What
are you doing?

128
00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:46,504
Hey, hey!
I found it first!

129
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:56,681
It's so good to be
alone with you, baby.

130
00:06:56,682 --> 00:07:00,852
Oh. I could hold you
like this forever.

131
00:07:08,193 --> 00:07:09,727
[hums]

132
00:07:11,664 --> 00:07:14,198
This is for the apartment.

133
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:18,302
This is for the corvette.

134
00:07:20,105 --> 00:07:22,674
And this is
for miss February.

135
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:24,141
[giggling]

136
00:07:30,248 --> 00:07:31,349
Is this gold?

137
00:07:32,417 --> 00:07:33,852
N-no, honey.
[sighs]

138
00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:36,420
Darn it, I haven't
found any real gold.

139
00:07:37,923 --> 00:07:39,190
I'll take that!
Hey!

140
00:07:44,563 --> 00:07:47,131
I-if we found this much
in three hours,

141
00:07:47,132 --> 00:07:48,867
Imagine how much
we'll find tomorrow.

142
00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:51,469
Oh, god!
We're actually <i>rich.</i>

143
00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:54,105
What are you gonna do
with your share, marcie?

144
00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:56,241
I'm gonna share mine
with the poor.

145
00:07:56,242 --> 00:07:57,641
[laughs]

146
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:00,544
No, really.

147
00:08:00,545 --> 00:08:01,946
What are you gonna
do with yours?

148
00:08:01,947 --> 00:08:03,948
I'm gonna buy
a seal coat,

149
00:08:03,949 --> 00:08:06,317
A diamond car
with condor floor mats,

150
00:08:06,318 --> 00:08:07,685
And a bald eagle hat.

151
00:08:07,686 --> 00:08:09,888
[both laughing]

152
00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:10,922
What about you,
honey?

153
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:13,591
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.

154
00:08:13,592 --> 00:08:15,860
I have everything
I want, and...

155
00:08:17,029 --> 00:08:18,562
Everyone I want.

156
00:08:18,563 --> 00:08:19,764
Hm.

157
00:08:22,334 --> 00:08:23,634
By the way...

158
00:08:23,635 --> 00:08:25,770
Would you be upset if
I got a place of my own?

159
00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:30,208
Hey, dad.

160
00:08:31,343 --> 00:08:32,476
I know what I'm gonna do.

161
00:08:33,278 --> 00:08:34,311
I'm gonna get me
a place

162
00:08:34,312 --> 00:08:36,680
Right next to the old
playboy mansion.

163
00:08:36,681 --> 00:08:39,383
You know, hef's parties might
have died down by now,

164
00:08:39,384 --> 00:08:41,586
But, uh, he can still
sneak over the fence

165
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,454
And get some young stuff
at club bud.

166
00:08:43,455 --> 00:08:44,655
[chuckles]

167
00:08:44,656 --> 00:08:47,592
Here, let me get that
spittle for you, son.

168
00:08:48,427 --> 00:08:49,427
Kelly.

169
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:51,763
What about you,
dear?

170
00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:52,997
Is this gold?

171
00:08:54,299 --> 00:08:55,299
No, pumpkin.

172
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:56,601
[clicks
tongue]

173
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,970
I'll take that too, peg!
No, no. I got it! No!

174
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:00,838
[screaming]

175
00:09:00,839 --> 00:09:02,406
My eye! All right!
My eye!

176
00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:04,976
Oh, peg. Ahh!

177
00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:10,114
What about you, peggy?
What are you going to do?

178
00:09:10,115 --> 00:09:11,415
Oh, I don't know. I--

179
00:09:11,416 --> 00:09:13,217
Probably make
a few changes. Ha-ha.

180
00:09:35,473 --> 00:09:36,674
[clears throat]

181
00:09:36,675 --> 00:09:38,209
Sorry I'm late.

182
00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:39,811
Oh, that's all right,
sweetheart.

183
00:09:39,812 --> 00:09:42,880
Just take your shirt off
and put it on the moose head.

184
00:09:58,196 --> 00:09:59,998
You know, maybe, uh,

185
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:01,799
Redecorate or something.

186
00:10:03,468 --> 00:10:04,669
What about you, honey?

187
00:10:05,971 --> 00:10:07,071
Honey?

188
00:10:22,387 --> 00:10:25,322
And so...That's how
I defeated the robots

189
00:10:25,323 --> 00:10:27,959
In the first intergalactic
super bowl.

190
00:10:29,995 --> 00:10:32,363
So, what do you wanna
do now, girls?

191
00:10:32,364 --> 00:10:34,398
We'd just like
to serve you,

192
00:10:34,399 --> 00:10:35,633
Beautiful
one.

193
00:10:35,634 --> 00:10:36,901
[giggles]

194
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:41,672
Well...What's
on the menu?

195
00:10:41,673 --> 00:10:43,408
Massage?

196
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:44,808
Whipped cream bath?

197
00:10:47,045 --> 00:10:48,712
Spanking?

198
00:10:51,183 --> 00:10:52,683
Horsy ride?

199
00:10:55,687 --> 00:10:57,654
Or shall we go back
in our cages

200
00:10:57,655 --> 00:10:58,956
And frug for you again?

201
00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:01,859
Well, girls...

202
00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:03,294
It's your dream.

203
00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:07,197
Sorry I'm late.

204
00:11:07,198 --> 00:11:09,267
Oh, that's
all right, dear.

205
00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:12,002
Just hang up your robe
on the moose head.

206
00:11:20,879 --> 00:11:23,080
[laughing]

207
00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:37,428
Oh, you know me, peg.

208
00:11:37,429 --> 00:11:39,964
I probably won't even
get off the couch.

209
00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:44,569
Hey.
I have an idea.

210
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:46,270
How about if
we all put

211
00:11:46,271 --> 00:11:47,805
Our gold together
in one sack,

212
00:11:47,806 --> 00:11:50,174
And then we divvy it up
when we get home?

213
00:11:50,175 --> 00:11:51,242
[scoffs]

214
00:11:51,243 --> 00:11:53,311
Gee, that's a great idea
for you, kelly.

215
00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:55,112
You have nothing.

216
00:11:55,113 --> 00:11:56,513
Yeah. I work
harder than you.

217
00:11:56,514 --> 00:11:58,582
Why should I give you
my gold?

218
00:11:58,583 --> 00:12:00,117
Because...

219
00:12:00,118 --> 00:12:01,919
I'm your daughter.

220
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,688
Well, y-- and you always
will be, pumpkin, but...

221
00:12:04,689 --> 00:12:06,090
You ain't gonna
have no gold.

222
00:12:08,426 --> 00:12:09,426
Hey, dad.

223
00:12:09,427 --> 00:12:11,062
Didn't that
old prospector

224
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,463
Warn us all about greed?

225
00:12:12,464 --> 00:12:14,665
Fine. Then you give kelly
some of your gold.

226
00:12:14,666 --> 00:12:16,267
Yeah.

227
00:12:17,902 --> 00:12:20,137
Catch you
at the mission, babe.

228
00:12:21,673 --> 00:12:24,442
All right. Look.
Here's what we should do.

229
00:12:24,443 --> 00:12:27,078
Some of us are obviously working
harder than others.

230
00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:30,281
So I say what everybody finds,
everybody keeps.

231
00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:32,183
We're all responsible
for our own goods.

232
00:12:32,184 --> 00:12:33,351
That makes
sense.

233
00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:34,685
Well said, honey.

234
00:12:34,686 --> 00:12:37,088
Touch my gold again,
and I'll slap you silly.

235
00:12:38,756 --> 00:12:40,557
All right, let's
all turn in.
All right.

236
00:12:52,971 --> 00:12:53,971
[twig snaps]

237
00:12:53,972 --> 00:12:55,039
Al:
Ah! Ah!

238
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,841
Oh.

239
00:13:03,414 --> 00:13:05,216
Must have been
a coyote.

240
00:13:06,517 --> 00:13:08,285
Yeah.

241
00:13:09,654 --> 00:13:11,822
Must have been.

242
00:13:11,823 --> 00:13:14,024
Good night.
Night.

243
00:13:14,025 --> 00:13:15,226
Good night.
Good night.

244
00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:32,209
[whispers]
al.

245
00:13:33,945 --> 00:13:35,679
[whispers]
what?

246
00:13:37,849 --> 00:13:39,951
I think we should kill
marcie and jefferson.

247
00:13:44,122 --> 00:13:47,324
Peg, listen to what
you're saying.

248
00:13:47,325 --> 00:13:49,794
They can work for days
and gather more gold.

249
00:13:56,434 --> 00:13:57,567
And then...

250
00:13:57,568 --> 00:13:59,169
If they should
accidentally walk

251
00:13:59,170 --> 00:14:00,170
In front of my rifle...

252
00:14:00,171 --> 00:14:01,905
[both laugh]

253
00:14:03,875 --> 00:14:05,175
Oh, you're
so smart, honey.

254
00:14:05,176 --> 00:14:06,744
Yeah. Ah,
good night.
Good night.

255
00:14:06,745 --> 00:14:08,412
[al sighs]
good night.

256
00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:13,951
[whispers]
al.

257
00:14:13,952 --> 00:14:16,219
[whispers]
what?

258
00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:17,922
I don't trust
the kids.

259
00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:24,829
What are you guys
talking about over there?

260
00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:27,598
Nothing. Nothing.

261
00:14:27,599 --> 00:14:30,634
You're not gonna
kill us, are you?

262
00:14:31,970 --> 00:14:34,405
Now, we wouldn't
do that.

263
00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:36,941
We love you.

264
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:40,310
We love you
guys too. Huh.

265
00:14:40,311 --> 00:14:42,246
We gotta get
that shotgun

266
00:14:42,247 --> 00:14:43,247
Away from dad.

267
00:14:44,415 --> 00:14:45,850
We will. We will.

268
00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:48,753
All in due time.

269
00:14:52,858 --> 00:14:55,392
We love you guys!

270
00:15:01,966 --> 00:15:03,801
We're dead.

271
00:15:25,690 --> 00:15:27,558
Kelly...

272
00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:29,393
That's not
real gold.

273
00:15:30,495 --> 00:15:33,063
Darn it. I never get
any real gold.

274
00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:36,801
Get this away from me.

275
00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:37,868
Stupid.

276
00:15:53,451 --> 00:15:54,618
[snap]
[gasps]

277
00:15:54,619 --> 00:15:55,819
[groans]

278
00:16:08,066 --> 00:16:09,466
[whispers]
al!

279
00:16:13,071 --> 00:16:14,705
[whispers]
what?

280
00:16:14,706 --> 00:16:16,407
There's a deadly
tarantula

281
00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:17,675
Crawling on
your arm.

282
00:16:22,914 --> 00:16:25,549
[laughs]
yeah, right.

283
00:16:25,550 --> 00:16:27,084
I get up to check,

284
00:16:27,085 --> 00:16:30,121
A shovel crushes
the back of my skull...

285
00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:33,957
And my gold is gone.

286
00:16:33,958 --> 00:16:36,893
I'm not falling
for that one, peg.

287
00:16:41,099 --> 00:16:43,233
Okay, honey.
Good night.

288
00:16:43,234 --> 00:16:44,534
Good night.

289
00:16:59,017 --> 00:17:00,117
[whimpers]

290
00:17:06,991 --> 00:17:08,426
[whining]
peg...

291
00:17:11,863 --> 00:17:15,699
There's a tarantula on me.

292
00:17:16,968 --> 00:17:19,970
I need some help here.

293
00:17:19,971 --> 00:17:21,939
You didn't
believe me.

294
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:23,607
I'm <i>not</i> speaking
to you.

295
00:17:25,109 --> 00:17:26,410
I believe you.
I believe you.

296
00:17:26,411 --> 00:17:28,211
Too late.

297
00:17:28,212 --> 00:17:29,880
Hey, what's going on?

298
00:17:29,881 --> 00:17:31,948
[whimpering]

299
00:17:31,949 --> 00:17:35,318
Daddy has a tarantula
on his arm.

300
00:17:36,454 --> 00:17:37,854
Wow! Look at
that thing.

301
00:17:37,855 --> 00:17:39,523
Dibs on dad's gold!

302
00:17:39,524 --> 00:17:43,260
Hey. I know how
we could save daddy.
Huh?

303
00:17:43,261 --> 00:17:44,628
[al screams]

304
00:17:44,629 --> 00:17:46,363
Kelly.

305
00:17:46,364 --> 00:17:47,831
Don't.

306
00:17:47,832 --> 00:17:49,833
You might hurt
daddy.

307
00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:51,468
We'll shoot it
off him.

308
00:17:51,469 --> 00:17:52,669
Yeah.

309
00:17:52,670 --> 00:17:55,105
Daddy...Give us
your gun.

310
00:17:55,106 --> 00:17:57,608
No. But I'll give you
both barrels

311
00:17:57,609 --> 00:18:00,511
If you don't get
this monster off my arm...

312
00:18:00,512 --> 00:18:03,013
Oh. I'll take care
of this, you big baby.

313
00:18:03,014 --> 00:18:05,081
[al continues whimpering]

314
00:18:05,082 --> 00:18:07,050
I can't believe it.
It's just a stupid spider.

315
00:18:07,051 --> 00:18:08,785
[whimpering]
oh, peg.

316
00:18:10,588 --> 00:18:12,088
[screams]

317
00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:15,091
Oh! It's hot!
Oh, it's hot!

318
00:18:15,092 --> 00:18:16,092
Oh.
Oh, god!

319
00:18:16,093 --> 00:18:17,361
Get his gold!

320
00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:18,995
[all yelling]

321
00:18:20,665 --> 00:18:22,799
Bud:
Gold! Gold!
Gold!

322
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,000
[al screams]

323
00:18:26,538 --> 00:18:27,771
Well, I guess we've

324
00:18:27,772 --> 00:18:28,838
Played this mine out.

325
00:18:28,839 --> 00:18:29,873
Time to get our gold

326
00:18:29,874 --> 00:18:30,874
And go home.

327
00:18:30,875 --> 00:18:32,876
Ha-ha-ha.
Where's daddy?

328
00:18:32,877 --> 00:18:34,411
Gee, I don't know. I--

329
00:18:34,412 --> 00:18:36,580
I haven't seen him
since he went insane.

330
00:18:38,950 --> 00:18:40,250
Here he comes.

331
00:18:42,219 --> 00:18:44,688
I killed this squirrel
for looking at my gold.

332
00:18:50,662 --> 00:18:53,097
Good work, dad.

333
00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:54,265
Uh, al...

334
00:18:54,266 --> 00:18:55,065
Hm?

335
00:18:57,936 --> 00:19:01,638
I think dad's shoe-selling
days are just about over.

336
00:19:01,639 --> 00:19:03,640
I think dad's
<i>shoe-wearing</i> days

337
00:19:03,641 --> 00:19:05,976
Are just about over.

338
00:19:05,977 --> 00:19:07,077
Y-you know...

339
00:19:07,078 --> 00:19:09,846
We can't very well
take him home like this...

340
00:19:09,847 --> 00:19:10,914
Can we?

341
00:19:10,915 --> 00:19:12,650
Huh. I-I know
I'm the new guy,

342
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,485
But if I have a vote...

343
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,153
I'd say kill him.

344
00:19:16,154 --> 00:19:17,154
Al:
I heard that!

345
00:19:17,155 --> 00:19:18,355
It wasn't me,
it was marcie!

346
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:22,426
You all think I'm nuts!
But I'm not!

347
00:19:22,427 --> 00:19:24,394
Hold on, mister!
Don't move!

348
00:19:24,395 --> 00:19:25,429
Ho!

349
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:32,803
Well, it's not like
he was once a whole man.

350
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:33,770
[bushes
rustling]

351
00:19:33,771 --> 00:19:34,838
Claim jumpers!
Oh.

352
00:19:36,541 --> 00:19:37,541
The old
prospector

353
00:19:37,542 --> 00:19:38,875
Warned us
about these guys.

354
00:19:38,876 --> 00:19:40,144
Huh. Just act
natural.

355
00:19:42,914 --> 00:19:45,449
What are you people
doing here?

356
00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:46,283
Hm?

357
00:19:46,284 --> 00:19:47,550
We're, uh--

358
00:19:47,551 --> 00:19:49,686
We're seeing
america.

359
00:19:49,687 --> 00:19:50,754
We're loving each other.

360
00:19:50,755 --> 00:19:52,622
[cocks gun]

361
00:19:52,623 --> 00:19:54,191
What do you want?

362
00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:55,392
Well, this is
the third stop

363
00:19:55,393 --> 00:19:57,528
On the hell hole
national park tour.

364
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:59,729
What kind of
exhibit is this?

365
00:20:01,299 --> 00:20:04,735
We can see these kind of
people in miami.

366
00:20:06,137 --> 00:20:07,671
Don't worry,
folks.

367
00:20:07,672 --> 00:20:09,773
We'll clean out the bigfoot
family in a second.

368
00:20:09,774 --> 00:20:11,075
Grab your pans

369
00:20:11,076 --> 00:20:13,844
And share the forty-niner
experience.

370
00:20:13,845 --> 00:20:16,013
Yeah? Grab your butts
and kiss 'em goodbye.

371
00:20:17,182 --> 00:20:18,949
We own this here mine.

372
00:20:18,950 --> 00:20:20,517
We bought it...

373
00:20:20,518 --> 00:20:22,652
From some old guy...

374
00:20:22,653 --> 00:20:23,754
Looked like john byner.

375
00:20:26,324 --> 00:20:27,858
Oh, old zeke.

376
00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:30,360
Is he still selling
fake mines to rubes?

377
00:20:31,395 --> 00:20:34,131
Look, son, this is
a national park.

378
00:20:34,132 --> 00:20:37,067
And what you've got there
is fool's gold.

379
00:20:37,068 --> 00:20:39,002
We salt the mines
for the rubes--

380
00:20:40,071 --> 00:20:41,171
Uh, tourists.

381
00:20:41,172 --> 00:20:42,739
But if it would
make you feel better,

382
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:44,441
You can each carry
a nugget home...

383
00:20:44,442 --> 00:20:46,977
Because fun and rocks
are what we're all about

384
00:20:46,978 --> 00:20:48,278
At hell hole
national park.

385
00:20:51,649 --> 00:20:53,350
Thanks a lot,
al.

386
00:20:53,351 --> 00:20:55,518
Four days
in this intense heat

387
00:20:55,519 --> 00:20:56,686
For nothing.

388
00:20:56,687 --> 00:20:58,521
You are truly
a numskull!

389
00:20:58,522 --> 00:21:00,290
Dimwit.
Total thief.

390
00:21:00,291 --> 00:21:01,291
Cretin!

391
00:21:01,292 --> 00:21:02,893
Bombastic simpleton.

392
00:21:05,363 --> 00:21:08,365
And a bad, <i>bad</i> daddy.

393
00:21:09,901 --> 00:21:13,036
[sobbing]
we don't have any gold.

394
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:15,672
Now, listen.
Listen.

395
00:21:16,807 --> 00:21:19,043
Now, I came here
to get real gold.

396
00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:20,110
And I ain't leaving

397
00:21:20,111 --> 00:21:21,912
Till I get real gold.

398
00:21:29,754 --> 00:21:32,055
[all howling greedily]

399
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:36,626
Man [on radio]:
<i>Under the heading,</i>
<i>"isn't that bizarre,"</i>

400
00:21:36,627 --> 00:21:38,762
<i>Today's story comes</i>
<i>from new mexico,</i>

401
00:21:38,763 --> 00:21:40,864
<i>Where an inbred,</i>
<i>insane family--</i>

402
00:21:40,865 --> 00:21:43,100
<i>A man with two wives</i>
<i>and three sons</i>

403
00:21:43,101 --> 00:21:44,701
<i>--Held up a group</i>
<i>of tourists.</i>

404
00:21:44,702 --> 00:21:47,271
<i>They left them</i>
<i>with cash and diamonds.</i>

405
00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:50,007
<i>All the family said</i>
<i>they wanted was gold.</i>

406
00:21:50,008 --> 00:21:51,808
<i>The reportedly stole</i>
<i>an old dodge</i>

407
00:21:51,809 --> 00:21:54,111
<i>From a prospector</i>
<i>who looked like john byner,</i>

408
00:21:54,112 --> 00:21:56,212
<i>And were last seen</i>
<i>heading west</i>

409
00:21:56,213 --> 00:21:57,180
<i>Towards los angeles.</i>

410
00:21:57,181 --> 00:21:58,649
<i>Do not approach them.</i>

411
00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:00,517
<i>They are insane...</i>

412
00:22:00,518 --> 00:22:01,552
<i>Unbathed</i>

413
00:22:01,553 --> 00:22:02,919
<i>And dangerous.</i>

414
00:22:03,988 --> 00:22:05,155
What time is it,
gang?

415
00:22:08,826 --> 00:22:10,994
All:
Five after 3!

416
00:22:10,995 --> 00:22:12,162
[all laugh]

417
00:22:26,110 --> 00:22:28,912
[♪]